Stuck
by PaulsenKay
Summary: She had gotten very good at placing her feelings into a tightly sealed Harvey box in her brain. That is, until last night, and now she was scrambling to get the lid back on. Alternate ending for 4x16.


**This fic was prompted by the lovely Ali (darveyswhiskey here on , paulsenmagic on Twitter). Her prompt:**_**What if the "love me how" scene had taken place when darvey were stuck in the elevator or Donna was over at his place but couldn't leave because of a bad storm?**_

**I'm such a big fan of Ali's writing, so I'm thrilled to give this prompt a shot. I hope I do it justice! Without further ado, here's an alternate ending for 4.16.**

_You know I love you, Donna._

It had been echoing in her mind since the moment her apartment door shut behind him, leaving her in a stunned silence. Even at the office, as she shuffled through papers and helped Louis sort through Norma's estate, it was nagging at the back of her mind like a fly that buzzed and buzzed and would not die.

As the clock struck six, she glanced towards his office and saw him still fully engaged in his computer screen. It was foolish of her, she knew, to hope that he'd ever bring it up. Harvey's emotional walls were impossibly difficult to break, and the tiny moment she'd seen last night was all she would get for a while. She'd spent a decade picking up crumbs, little glimpses of almost, and ending up with nothing.

Still, it stung. She had gotten very good at placing her feelings into a tightly sealed Harvey box in her brain. That is, until last night, and now she was scrambling to get the lid back on. She gave him one last look, grabbed her purse, and got up from her desk. In all their years together she had let him dictate the end of their workday, but today? She was going home.

She stepped onto the elevator, buttoning up her coat, when a hand jumped out to hold the doors. They opened to reveal Harvey, with a puzzled look on his face.

"Are you leaving?"

She gave him a pointed look. "It's 6:00."

"We've never left at 6:00 in ten years."

"It's the end of the workday, Harvey, and for once in our time together, I'm leaving on time."

He didn't have a response to that, and instead joined her in the elevator, letting the doors close behind him. The silence between them was heavy. Normally, they could coexist seamlessly, in silence or not- but the space felt too small for them today.

"You weren't at your desk much today."

"Do I need to ask your permission to go to the kitchen now?"

"Of course not, Donna, I mean you were gone for half the day. Where were you?"

"With Louis."

"Oh no, what crazy thing did he rope you into now?"

She sighed. "Norma died, Harvey."

His face flickered with a frown. "Oh. That's terrible."

"I thought you couldn't stand her."

"I couldn't, but I assume Louis loved her."

She couldn't filter herself fast enough. "Oh, because she was his secretary, he must have loved her."

"That's not what I meant."

"But it is what you said."

He opened his mouth to respond when the elevator jolted, screeching to a halt. They stared at each other for a second, willing it to start moving again, until they realized this was not a temporary stop.

"Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me." Donna reached for the emergency call button, willing the operator to respond quickly.

"Mid American Elevator."

"Hi, yes, I'm in the elevator at 50 W 52nd and we're stuck between floors."

There was a pause and a shuffling of papers. "Alright, we'll have someone out to get you shortly. They're on another job right now, but they'll be there in about 30 minutes."

"Are you sure that's the fastest they can get here?"

"I'm sure, miss. I'll dispatch them as soon as I can."

She sighed. "Okay. Thank you."

The line clicked off and there they were, staring at each other in the dim elevator lighting. Donna kicked off her heels and Harvey was immediately aware of their height difference. He only ever saw her without heels at her apartment or his, on the rare occasion they weren't dressed up. Rare occasions like last night, when she was curled up on the couch next to him, refilling his wine.

He loosened his tie, the space suddenly feeling very warm.

"Well, isn't this fantastic." She was slumped against the wall, handbag placed down on the ground next to her shoes.

"They're on the way, Donna, it's not the end of the world. You aren't claustrophobic, are you?"

"It's not the elevator that's the problem, it's who I'm stuck with."

"Okay Donna, what is going on with you?"

She whipped her head towards him, unable to contain it anymore. "How about we start with the fact that I've been wondering for the last ten hours if you're going to acknowledge what happened last night? But you're you, so of course you're not."

"I'm not going to acknowledge it because nothing happened last night."

"Why? And don't tell me I know why."

"Because it would have been a mistake and you know it."

"What I know," she said, pushing herself off the wall to step towards him, "Is that _something_ happened, and you left, but not before you told me you loved me."

"I did that because I wanted to make you feel better."

"What did you just say to me?" Her chest tightened and she wasn't sure if it was hurt or anger or both.

"No, that's not what I meant. I didn't say that to-"

"Because you pity me? Yeah you did." She turned away on reflex, remembering quickly that she had nowhere to go. _Damn elevator. _

"No, I said it because I love you."

"Love me how?"

"Why does that have to-"

"Love me _how?_"

Her eyes met his and she watched him struggle, watched him try and fail to come up with the words. Just like he'd always done. Just like they'd always been. _Almost_. _They were always stuck at almost. _Suddenly, the floodgates were open. Her Harvey box had disintegrated, spilling the feelings all over the ground.

"That's what I thought. You either can't answer or you won't, which is bullshit, because obviously you don't just look at me this way. You're capable of looking at me that way. But you don't want to let those worlds collide because you're too afraid to risk anything!"

"Because we have everything."

"No, Harvey, _you_ have everything!"

He took a deep breath and swallowed, taking a second to truly look at her. She was flushed, her hair spilling over the collar of her coat, and her eyes were a mixture of glassy tears and rage.

"So you saying you want everything?"

"I don't know, Harvey. But what I do know is I don't want your pity."

She turned away from him then, deflating against the wall. For the first time, she looked small to him. Even when her life was on the line, when she was terrified of going to prison, she'd never looked quite like this to him and he hated that he was the cause.

"I don't pity you, Donna. That's not what I was trying to say."

"Well, that's sure what it sounded like."

"You know I'm not good with words."

She laughed bitterly. "Yeah, big shocker there."

"Fine, Donna, you want the truth? I'll tell you the truth. I take risks every damn day. I'm just not willing to risk you."

"Why?"

"Because you're too important."

"That doesn't mean you love me. That means you need me to get things done."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't you understand why I can't let myself feel this way about you? Because of your goddamn rule!"

They stood in silence for a moment, her mouth opening as if to speak, and then closing again.

"Don't you think I've looked at you that way ever since the day we met? But you told me that day at the diner that we had to put it out of our minds, so that's what I did. And I thought you did, too."

"I did. But it's not that easy anymore."

"I know."

She leaned her head against the wall, welcoming the cool metal. "I don't think I can do this forever. I thought working with you would be enough but it's just not anymore. I can't…keep getting this close and then pretend like nothing happened. I made that rule to keep this from happening and I thought we could get past it the first time, but I don't know that we ever really did."

He could tell she was trying not to cry. In all their time together, he actually hadn't seen her cry very often. She was always so together, so strong, and there was a deep sadness to her now that he didn't know she had inside.

"I thought that you might want this, but if you don't, you have to let me go. I can't keep waiting for you."

She looked so defeated and he was pleading with his eyes as his mouth was unable to speak, unable to just cross the damn line.

He watched as her face sank and the tears she'd kept at bay were threatening to spill over.

"That's what I thought. It's okay, Harvey. I understand."

"Donna, wait, I-"

The elevator jolted and sprang to life, causing them both to stumble. He instinctively grabbed for her wrist, steadying her, until they started moving steadily down to the first floor.

She coughed, using it as an excuse to wipe her eyes, and stepped back into her shoes, gathering her purse. The doors opened to the lobby, revealing two maintenance men, who they thanked as they walked out. She was walking towards the doors, her heels clicking forcefully on the tile, and he felt his chest getting tight as he followed behind her, willing himself to come up with words.

It was once she'd stepped out the door, into the cold, dark evening, that she heard him calling for her. She turned to see him stumble out of the revolving door, his tie crooked.

"Wait. Please."

She crossed her arms and waited for him to come to her.

He took a deep breath, fog coming out on the exhale. "I didn't let myself have feelings for you because I didn't want to lose you. But if I don't tell you the truth, I'm going to lose you anyway."

"Okay. What's the truth?"

He took three big strides towards her and suddenly his lips were on hers. Her hands instinctively moved to the back of his head, grasping at his hair to steady herself. Just as quickly as it started, he pulled away, looking her right in the eye.

"I love you _that_ way and every way and I'm so fucking tired of pretending that I don't."

Her lips parted to say something, but she was struck speechless. He ran a hand through his hair, the realization of what he'd done setting in.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

She stepped tentatively towards him, taking a deep breath. "What does this mean?"

"What do you think it means? It means I love you." The dam had broken and now that he'd said it out loud, he couldn't stop. "But I need to know how you feel, because you've been asking all the questions tonight."

She looked up at him, a smile starting to form on her lips. "Harvey, you have to know by now that I love you, too."

Her arms wrapped around his neck as his lips crashed back onto hers, and all of a sudden she forgot it was winter. His hands were running up and down her back and she was cursing the multiple layers between them, everything they'd been holding inside for years set free.

It was Harvey who pulled back first. "We should…get out of the middle of the sidewalk."

The sirens and car horns and people suddenly came back into her periphery. "You're right."

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours. It's closer."

He took her hand in his and pulled her towards the crosswalk. "Of course, the one night I tell Ray I'll walk home."

She laughed, trying to keep up with him in her heels. "It's probably better this way. We would have given him a show."

They made it to his building, fueled on adrenaline and the need to get out of the cold, and suddenly they were in his building, the elevator climbing up to his apartment.

"This thing had better keep moving. We're bad luck today."

He laughed. "Hey, at least we'd have something to do to pass the time if this one stopped."

Her eyes widened. "Harvey! They have cameras in these things."

He shrugged as the doors opened and he led her towards his apartment door, fumbling for his keys. She stopped him on the doormat, running her hands up his chest to rest on his shoulders.

"Seriously, Harvey. Are you sure about this?"

"Of course I am."

"You know that things will be different, right? We'll be…together."

"Donna." He smiled down at her, opening up the door. "Haven't we always been?"


End file.
